It's been a while...

So yes, I haven't written in a while. But things have been a bit crazy. :)

Every Tuesday and Thursday evenings I have 5 extra kids I watch so their mommy and daddy can take a EMT class together.
 AND mostly I have been feeling poorly on account this is number 5 in 5 1/2 years and it's taking it's toll. I'm not the spry young thing I used to be. ;)  But God is good and His timing is perfect. We've trusted Him with our children and I know He will give me strength. Already I am starting to feel better. More energy and less nausea as the days go by. I am quickly approaching the second trimester, one of my favorite parts of pregnancy! Should start showing soon!

Justice is still convinced we are having a girl and I have decided to stop correcting him. (we don't know what we are having, well besides a baby that is) I am praying his faith is increased and Lord willing that is what the Lord blesses us with. Justice says we already have clothes for her cause Karis won't mind the new baby using her's. :)

We have been not so faithful with school mostly because of my pukiness feeling. But it surprises me how much they still learn in the 2 days a week we have gotten in. The good thing is they love to learn. :) I pray my attitude helps them to continue to see school as fun.

This is where we are right now....

Number 5

Justice asked to pray for lunch again so of course I said sure. "dear Jesus, help me to obey and listen to my momma and daddy. Help us to have another baby and that we have a girl, cause we already have boys. and bless our food and Jesus help us to be nice to our brothers...in Jesus name, Amen" He has been praying a very similar prayer for the past month or two now. But that day it made me cry.

I decided to just take a pregnancy test, I knew it wouldn't be positive but I just couldn't not after a prayer like that! So after putting the boys down for their nap I broke down and took it....

I  I

for those of you who have never taken a pregnancy test two lines is positive...

God said yes!

When Justice woke up I asked him what it was he'd been praying so hard for. He said

"Jesus"..Well yes you prayed to Jesus but what did you ask him for? "Ummm...a baby girl."

Well Justice I don't know if we are having a girl but momma does have a baby in her tummy! "REALLY?! How do you know? did you take a picture?" No baby but I did take a test and it told me we are going to have a baby! "really?! I'm so glad momma!" :)

The next thing was to tell James. I wanted to do something different since I had always just been straight out. So instead I wrote Big Brother in May on all the boys bellies. (which is harder than you would think because they are all very ticklish-ed!) And when James got home from work they all lifted their shirt. Well I lifted Eli's and it took him only a second before a BIG smile came across his face. When he looked at me I was showing my tummy which had #5 written on it. Needless to say Daddy was exited.

We decided to tell grandma the same way since we would be seeing her the next day. I was able to get a picture then...

So for all you who are maybe thinking....Do they know what causes that? Don't you already have your hands full? 5, Wow?! How are you going to be able to pay for college?

Our answers......Yes we do and we really enjoy it! ;) Yes my hands are full, full of blessings! and as far as college they will just have to get it the same way everyone else does, earn it! Through good grades and lots of work.

August a BIG party month!

Well it's been a while since I last wrote so I thought I should catch up! 

The beginning of August brought Brooklyn and  Eli's birthdays! We went to Doug and Melissa the first weekend to celebrate Brooklyn's birthday and also Natalie's belated birthday since they were in the process of moving during Natalie's. The girls had cute cakes and I think they had a lot of fun! We also were able to meet Joey's girlfriend Hannah. A sweet young lady who has actually been a friend of the family for a while but whom we just recently got back into contact with. She is so creative and made some beautiful pictures to hang on the girl's walls.

 

We then had Eli's 1st birthday at our house the following Monday. Grandma made the cutest little cupcakes inside mini ice cream cones! I will post pictures as soon as I get my hands on some. We had Eli's favorite, spaghetti for supper and everyone joined us.

Then just this weekend was Joey surprise birthday party at El Chico!  And thanks to Hannah it was a huge success. She thought of it all! Like I said such a creative young lady! He had family and friends from church. James and I really enjoyed seeing some friends from our old church who we hadn't seen it was seems like forever! All in all it's been a big birthday bash this month!

In between Eli's and Joey's birthdays we all loaded up and headed to Sarah's apartment to see Wesley for the weekend! He was able to leave the base so we made a little family reunion out of it. There were a lot of people crammed into a small space. We stayed up late every night playing the XBOX mostly the guys played baseball but we also tried to compete in a dancing game, it was lots of fun and even more laughs.

 The nights were rough because Eli didn't sleep well between a weird place and teething. Poor Sarah had a rough night too because we kicked her out of her bed the first night then the second night we switched rooms and Olivia was kicked out of her bed. So not much sleep for the babies nor their parents.

 Grandma and Papaw stayed at the motel as well as Jessica and Chris. So we had access to an indoor pool which we swam in for a couple hours! The boys had a blast! Justice almost drowned because he kept jumping into his little round floatie but missed it one time....very scary. James was out of the  hot tub and right there with him in less than three seconds it seamed, while Justice was able to keep his head above water. We were really proud of him for that. He had been practicing swimming almost the whole time before all that so that was a blessing! Papaw was also out of the hot tub super fast which I think hurt his body a little especially mixed with all the emotions! I think though this Momma was the most shaken. I hate water to begin with.....just saying.

Sunday we all attended Tim and Sarah's church and enjoyed worship together with Tim as the lead and then listened to a good sermon. The kids got to play in water again only this time it was in the form of a huge home made slip and slide and several other sprinklers. :) After church we all went to lunch together. Then finished packing and got home about supper time.

August has been a blast with all the family and friends we have been surrounded with!

Karis' birthday video

Karis 2nd birthday party

This year we did a Tangled theme! Even though our situation is nothing like the Tangled movie I can compare us to one part. Our daughter was taken away from us at a very young age and we will be reunited again one day!

We didn't go overboard but we did have a Tangled table cloth, pink balloons and pink plates! As well as pink sprinkles on her funfetti cupcakes. We even did the neapolitan ice cream for the pink white and brown!

This year instead of a balloon release we let lanterns fly sticking to the Tangled theme. :) They were much larger than I thought they would be when I ordered them. But still beautiful in flight! We released 5 in all but they required at least 2 adults to handle them. One to light the fuel cell and one to hold it until it filled with hot air. Here are a couple pictures of them.

 

 

All the kids loved them and I was just amazed at how beautiful they were! Doug even took video and put it all together with the pictures to make it even more beautiful!

Blessings?

"Do you remember when I was in my Momma's tummy?" Yes I do because Justice was in mine! "My Momma wanted a baby really bad and then she had me!" Your right! 

This is the conversation between me and a 4 year old little man (Isaac) who was staying the night with my son's. As I listened to the excitement in his voice and the saw the obvious knowledge of how much his mommy loves him I couldn't help but feel joy. But it also made me feel so sad, how many children out there are not told how much they are loved and wanted?

We say we know and believe "children are a blessing for the Lord"  but do we show that in our actions? Do we tell them not only with words but in deed?! Or do they constantly hear...
 "My house would be so clean if you weren't here"  When we talk about how much they destroy the house and are huffy about putting it back together? (that one is me!)
  "I should've stopped after ____" when we talk about them being an accident.
 "I would have nice things if you weren't here" "things are more important than you" when we talk about wanting nice things but can't have them because we have kids or so many kids...as if it's the younger ones faults.

 Maybe we aren't actually "saying" these things but this IS what they are hearing! Children are very perceptive to our attitudes. Scripture says children are a blessing not a burden! Yet that is how we perceive them in our society. And it's oozing it's slimy head into our homes! We are all guilty of these some of the time but is it more often than not? Is this our thought process regularly? Lord, I pray it isn't!

The house will be clean eventually. God NEVER makes mistakes, there are no "accidents" but they are  purposely placed in our lives, hand picked by our heavenly father as gifts to us! You already have beautiful treasures they just don't come in the earthly packaged treasure but rather in flesh and blood.

Let's treat them as such!

Coming from a very humbled and broken momma. May the Lord continue His showing me where I need to improve!

Father's Day and Fingernails!

   This past weekend was Father's day. And yes I mean the past "weekend" not Sunday because Saturday James went golfing with a couple brothers (a much deserved and over due treat) and Sunday we had lunch with the Anderson Daddys where he played Hand and Foot to his hearts content.
James has been such an unselfish and hard working Husband and Father ever since we have been together. I am so grateful for him!

Sunday while at Victoria's having lunch and chi-chi-ing (talking/visiting) with the ladies I invited Hannah and Lydia over to stay the night. They got permission from their father and so they got to come! That night and the next day were so much fun! We did fingernails and toenails...got all our ideas from a book I bought when I was a much younger girl. Little piggies, snakes, pirates, watermelons, polka dots, flowers and so so much more! I can not wait to have another little girl in our family it was so much fun! We had thought a little too late to get the wii dance otherwise we probably would have been up way past 11! Such sweet and Godly young ladies...I just pray my daughter's are as wonderful as they were.

Looking forward to a day to come!

Grandma Bethal

Grandma Bethal went to be with her Savior June 2nd (James birthday) and we had her funeral yesterday....I just wanted to say a couple things that I thought were so special about her,

She was genuine

she was transparent

she was forgiving

she was loving

always had a word of encouragment

loved her family 

was a true friend

I am going to miss watching old movies with her and grandpa. Gonna miss our talks about what we believe and why. About how life used to be and how we wished it were a little more like that still. Talking about how God has grown us and how he's grown our husbands. I will miss her doing puzzles with Justice and having patience with Dawson. Miss her talking to Eli and seeing him light up because he already loved her.


Right now while our hearts ache for her, her heart is no longer aching. While we cry because she is not with us, she is rejoicing because of who she is with! It's funny how death makes me see heaven just a little clearer. Makes it more real....

Grandma was one of the few people who was able to meet Karis here on this earth and now she is holding her there! We love you Grandma Bethal!

Our crazy Graduation trip

Got to see Wesley graduate from the Air Force Boot Camp! So proud of our Airman!
We started our journey on Tuesday early morning. I got up to finish last minute stuff, packing the choice clothes in the dryer, cooking breakfast and clean up so we don't come home to a big mess. We had planned on leaving at 9 but you know how plans are....instead I woke to the hall room full of water about 1 to 2 inches deep.
Reed checked the lines outside and found the culprit. The lines were laid wrong and so combined with all the rain we had recently the system had backed up and came into the lowest part of the house, the down stairs toilet. So after figuring out it wasn't covered by any insurance we had. We decided to get a pump and get it down low enough to be able to leave it and deal with it when we got back. We finally left at 11 only with a dirty house still because Chloe and I were a little preoccupied with cleaning up the nasty water in the hall room and trying to save the floor from buckling with all the moisture.
 We arrived at Aunt Mary's house and had an amazing visit with Aunt Mary, Granma Sharon and Grandpa Walter. I hadn't seen Grandpa Walter in forever so it was really a treat. The boys had fun running around outside and besides a great visit it was a good breaking point for our trip to San Antonio. Making our ride down there that much shorter.
We left Aunt Mary's looking for a CVS because James' asthma was acting up. We think the cats were to blame. But after waiting an hour and a half to get a call back from the doctor's office we decided that it had been too long since his last visit and they weren't going to call in an inhaler without seeing him. He was feeling a little better at this point but he said his chest still hurt pretty bad. I'm not going to lie I was a little worried, thinking we might need to take him to a clinic or ER. But he refused and we continued through Fort Worth. We stopped to have a late lunch and as we were getting back into the van I got a call from the doctors office! They were going to call him something in...so James got relief in Waco! God is so good!
Finally arrived at our destination, ordered pizza and ate a late supper. The boys weren't tired because they had been sitting all day but we finally were all asleep by 12. I will have to say every morning I woke up tired, Eli does not do well when he doesn't have his crib. Sarah and Olivia were the same.
Got up at 5 so we could be at the morning run and see Wesley for the first time in forever! But due to weather the run was canceled and then the power went out in a couple of their building so we were bussed to the coin ceremony (they had to change where it would be held), where we finally got a to see our Airman!
Once Wes received his coin we were bussed back and while Wes took his parents and the rest of the crew to see his bunk Jacob, Chloe and I stayed back with the kids cause the walk would have been just too much for them.
We enjoyed the rest of that day and the next with Wesley. He graduated on Friday and was given a town pass so we walked the boardwalk after letting the kids nap back at the hotel since again it was a very early morning. Had supper at Rita's on the River because we had a couple 25 dollar certificates. It was good company but that's about it.
Saturday was up in the air. Nobody really knew what they were going to do. Chris and Jessica really wanted to go to Sea World badly enough to want our company, lol. So due to their generosity we went to Sea World and had a great time! The boys loved everything from the shows to the kiddie rides and the water park. I loved seeing their excitement when they saw all the fish, sharks and whales. When they saw them doing tricks and flips their eyes lit up so bright and they oohed and ahhed. They loved every thing! Well Dawson didn't like the kiddie roller coaster but Justice loved it. And it worked out great because neither James nor Jessica liked riding roller coasters so Chris, Reed, Chloe and I got to ride them while James and Jessica took the kids. I was so proud of all the kids because even without naps and a very hot day they were very well behaved and very little complaining. Even Eli was so good. We were only there for 4  hours but it was definitely plenty of time. Every one was good and tired. And we had a long ride home ahead of us. Once we left we decided to try and get out of San Antonio before stopping for supper so when we finally did stop we were all ready to eat!
We got home about 2am and slept till 8 so we could go to church. Had a blessed service then came home and said goodbye to Reed and Chloe. Reed said he would return to help us dip the lines the right way, he will be back on Thursday! So that journey will begin....

It's been a while...

Hello Blogging world, it's been a while...

We are finally moved and currently busy busy busy! Now when I say moved what I really mean is everything from that house is here. Not necessaries that everything is unpacked. :) The extra room is sometimes overwhelming, I'm not complaining just stating a fact. The boys LOVE all the room. Dawson rides his trike from the kitchen to the hall room and then to the living room where he turns around and goes back to the hall room then to the dining room where he passes to the kitchen again and starts the cycle all over again. Of course sometimes I find him in the pantry or the laundry room.  He loves getting on the counters and helping me cook or clean.
Justice is a wii junkie! I have to ration his time on the thing! But he is also loving all the space to do his floor puzzles and be able to mix them up and then complete them all at once. He loves puzzles! He also loves to take Dawson and the two of them play outside with the dogs. (tell you about them later) But they also love making chalk masterpieces on the back patio.
We got two lab puppies around Dawson birthday a black one and a yellow one. James says there names are Duke and Major but the boys call them Hiccup and Toothless I personally stick with "down DOG!"

Eli is crawling like a crazy man! Pulling up on anything he can reach and he has a tooth! One of my earliest teethers so far. He is 8 months old now and 21 pounds of pure Joy. He loves to cuddle and coo and just be over all a cutie putootie.
OK so to post pictures of the house since everyone is dying to see it! Now these pictures are from my phone so they are not the best quality we will see how this turns out.

front of house

large living area has school room where carpet is. And the step down is a play pit.

hall room 

hall room from the kitchen

down stairs half bath

laundry

kitchen from dining room

kitchen from pantry and laundry and garage area

pantry

Waiting

I haven't written in a while and keep saying I really need to blog! So here it is. :)

We are currently still in the process of buying a house and I will be soooo ready when this is all over and I pray I never have to buy another house in my life! It's horrible all the waiting that is involved, well I guess for patient people it's not so horrible but for me it's just plain hard. Right now we are just waiting for the appraiser to finish his second appraisal since there were some repairs that had to be done. Then the bank says we can CLOSE! Whoo Hoo! We first started this journey December 21st I believe so it has been 2 months and 2 closing dates have come and gone. As I wrote on facebook...Closing dates are like pregnancy due dates, they really don't mean anything. I will post pictures when we get the keys . :) and hopefully I will remember to post before and after pictures of the rooms we will be remodeling...well eventually we will.

My little man is crawling now, well more like scooting. :) He is pretty mobile with it though. He's so stinkin' cute! Eli wants all the food we have and anything we are drinking he thinks should be his and he's only 6 months old so poor guy feels deprived when I tell him no!

Dawson could not be more cute than he already is! He is growing so fast, rides his bike like a pro and talks a lot! He's definitely a jabber jaws. :)

Justice is playing the Wii way too much and I can't seem to sit down and do school with him right now. (which is another reason I am so impatient with moving, I am ready to get into a regular schedule again.) But I know when we finally do he will do great he is such a smart little guy.

We had thought to already have had the boy's birthday party but it looks like now we are going to do a combines 1/2 birthday party! They both have winter birthdays so James said lets do a party in the beginning of summer and either make it a swim party or a water party where we rent a giant water slide! I love this idea! So their party has been postponed to a further date to be disclosed...well whenever we find out! Ha

So If I were to sum up this blog in this one sentence I would say we are just in limbo about everything, waiting on whatever God has in store.

How it's supposed to be...

73 degrees and sunny with a light breeze....a perfect day. :) James is at a friends house helping them prepare to move in. They have been staying with another friend while they have been trying to get this house ready. I have their 2 year old with me in attempt to allow them a little more freedom to focus on painting rather than getting him out of the paint. :) As I dropped off James and picked up Caleb, I looked back at the four car seats I couldn't help but sigh. That's how it's supposed to be and yet it's not how it's supposed to be. Besides the fact that Caleb is a boy (and 6 months older than Karis would have been) God clearly says 3 car seats right now IS how it's supposed to be. He knew beforehand that He would take Karis home. She didn't leave here prematurely, she didn't die too young...she left exactly as in His plan. No matter how much I want to say it's not right, and I still do say that, it really is right because it's exactly as God intended. He knew all along that He was going to take her as soon as she was born, He knew we would never see her first steps or hear her first words. Sometimes i think about that and ask why? Why did you even let us have her at all if you were just going to take her back so soon...but then I remember all the wonderful times I got with her in the womb! The exited feeling I got when I found out I was pregnant! The wondering if she were another boy or our first girl! Finding out she was a girl! The little kicks and the hiccups and knowing I had a precious fragile little girl growing daily inside me. I would not have traded any of that! I would have done all that again even knowing I wouldn't get her longer than that short time.
It's funny how all that went through my head in a matter of minutes! Just in the short ride from this house to ours. 
Thank you Lord for your providence...I may not understand and I may wonder sometimes but I know it will all work out for the good.

Cleaning Out

Well the last couple days have been  Full of cleaning, organizing and just plain clearing out! Sarah came over and helped me get the boys clothes (too big or small) boxed and put in the laundry room to store. We were also able to get the random bags of give away clothes put together and actually taken to the Safe-T thrift shop where the proceeds go to battered women. James nor I could believe how much junk we had! But it felt good, really good to get rid of it all. Like a load taken off my shoulders!
As I was clearing out and deciding what goes and what stays It got me thinking about not only the junk in my house but also the junk in my life?! The little drama's I'm a part of but really don't have to be. The excuses that I need to get over to get back into my word every single day instead of when I can squeeze it in. The extra junk in my trunk that I can no longer blame on the kids! (sorry guys... but it's easier than blaming it on myself)
I got to thinking why only get that good shoulder lifting feeling with my house! So I'm determined to try fresh and new. I am going to be writing in a journal my mom got me for Christmas. But I want to purpose to do it everyday. Write one verse from my scripture that day that seems to tug on my heart. My Rhema! So pray for me about that.
We haven't gotten to go to our church in such a long time due to being out of town or sick babies and I must admit one morning we just plain slept in! But in our defense James was working 12 to 15 hour days and  so neither of us were sleeping well. We did listen to a podcast from our church's site though so we did get a sermon in. :) But I am really looking forward to the fellowship as well as being fed the word!
So I will leave you cyberspace and I will go to bed so that I can be well rested and awake for whatever God has for me tomorrow.

Remembering

A couple days ago after we had gotten home from Mom's, "when the music fades and all is stripped away" I found myself remembering....perhaps it was the beautiful tile that Lori gave me or maybe it was the Willow Tree that Melissa so carefully picked out or it could have been the fact that this was yet another family gathering without her. Without our beautiful Karis.

As I opened my eyes that morning I had this great sense of sadness that poured over me...more overwhelming than I had in a while. These kind of days tend to come and go since she left us and they seem to get further apart. Which I'm not sure I would say is good or bad thing it's just a fact. I felt this tug at my heart like something is missing and something IS missing! She is! I just laid there and cried... even before I got out of bed I shed these tears of remembering that we are not a whole family....

Eli was soon awake and ready to nurse, praise the Lord for His goodness and His blessing of another child so soon after Karis left. As he nursed he would just look at me and smile with his big grey/blue eyes. He made me smile and again remember only this time it was a memory that didn't exist. I saw Karis nursing with her blue eyes looking at me she too smiled and the "memory" was gone. As he finished and was just talking to me there in the bed I could just imagine Karis having done these same things..cooing and smiling with such a pretty and perfect body that it was almost real. But I knew it wasn't, that Eli is my blessing God gave me not to replace our little girl but rather to heal the empty place we had between our two arms.

When Eli was finished I got out of bed and sent a text to close friends asking for prayer. I knew I wouldn't be able to get through the day without it. I then asked God to give me a good day of remembrance. There is a difference in good remembering and bad remembering. I wanted to focus not on that fact that we no longer have her but rather that yes she was here but now she is with her Saviour! I also asked Him to just hold me in his arms because I was hurting and I needed His loving arms around me! I couldn't have a good remembering day if He didn't hold me through it. It was actually kinda amazing because Not only did I ask these things but my friend Sarah had sent what she prayed and it was the exact same thing. :) Not only did Sarah pray for me but she also came and visited me for a little bit!

I decided since it was a day of remembering I would surround myself with the good memories. I looked back at all Karis' photo's and keepsakes. I touched her fingers and toes from the ink hand print and foot print we had from the hospital. I touched her hair we had saved and is now in the mother daughter locket her Great Grandma had gotten us. I looked at all the Willow Tree figurines I had received and I reread the poems, sayings and verses that gave me such comfort just one and a half short years ago. I felt her with us that day. 

God did answer my prayer....Justice and Dawson were His arms and Eli was His kiss to me. Telling me I'm here, I love you and I hear you. Our God IS an Awesome God!

The poem on the Tile....

Daddy please don't look so sad, Mommy please don't cry
Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God, don't think He is unkind.
Don't think He sent me to you and then changed His mind.
You see I'm, a special child, I am needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.
I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night
Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost that mist your window pane
That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze from the gentle breeze that blows
Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose
When you see my brothers playing abd your heart feels a tug,
Don't be sad mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug.
So Daddy don't look so sad and Mommy please don't cry
I'min the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies.

Karis Lynn

Christmas at Mom's January 2011

Christmas at Mom's this year was a lot of fun! We left on Friday after Joey and James got off of work then started our 4 hour journey to Fordyce, Ar. We had a late supper at "Guanajuatos"  a little mexican place in town where Chloe works. (not sure if that's how you spell it)

On Saturday we slept in. Then us girls (Mom, Chloe and I) went shopping for a few last minute gifts and things we needed for the Sunday meal. When we got back we started getting ready to get a few pictures taken before it got too dark and too wet. There was a little Gazebo at the park which is just a couple blocks away from Mom's house so we went there to take the pictures. Joey has a really nice camera and a good eye for picture taking so we had asked him to take them for us. It was so so cold out there but we were all troopers and made it back home where we could get warm again. We had a yummy ham that day since we were going to be having our traditional Christmas turkey on Sunday.

Sunday we woke up all exited about Doug and Melissa and their family coming as well as bringing Kayla, Reed's girl with them. Steve and Zane came too which was a really nice treat as well. We don't get to see Steve very often but always enjoy his company. Everyone arrived either right before church let out or shorty after so we went ahead and had a crazy time of opening up the presents. It was not very organized but a whole lot of fun. :) It was definitely not like our normal Christmas but it's probably because it was so late this year before we could get together. Lori, Steve's friend had gotten James and I a tile that had a beautiful poem in memory of Karis. I will write her story in another post and I will include that poem in it. Melissa and I received a 50 minute massage which I've never had so I am looking forward to that! But everyone seemed to enjoy their gifts...I kinda felt sorry for the kids because we wouldn't let them play with their presents so they would pack up better. But they did get to play with their new "head" lights so they were happy about that.

We ended up staying way too late but it's always so hard to say good bye to family. But we did finally get home at 1 am on Monday and poor James had to get up at 5:30 so he didn't get a whole lot of sleep. 

Over all the trip was tons of fun and a whole lot of awesomeness! I love my family and I love getting to sit a visit with them about nothing and everything....